Space is scarce around Saint Louis University. It’s one of the trade-offs of situating your school in a city. But there are a few tracts of land adjacent to campus that remain unused. Consider the old buildings on Forest Park Avenue, south of the Laclede Parking Garage. And the basement of the Coronado, once occupied by Chuy’s (rest in peace), remains empty to date. So here’s a list of some additions we’d like to see in the Midtown area:

Build-a-Billiken workshop – Bears are boring. We need a store where you can stuff your own symbol of SLU spirit. Give it as a gift for good luck!

MIM-104 Patriot missile defense system – With tensions between the U.S. and North Korea mounting, we’d feel safer knowing our campus was protected by one of the most advanced missile defense systems in existence. OK, so maybe St. Louis wouldn’t be a primary target, and we’re pretty far from the coast, but you can never be too careful.

Another “Star-potle” – The Chipotle-Starbucks on Grand has been a hit, so much so that we’d like to see another one on the other side of campus. Or maybe two more. Actually, just replace every eatery around campus with Star-potles.

Nap center – Wouldn’t it be great if there were a place where you could just crash between classes? A room full of mattresses would be awesome. OK, so those exist, but they’re typically trying to sell you the mattresses. Come on, we’re in college; ain’t nobody got a dime for that.

Survey center – We just can’t get enough surveys. After a long day of studying, everybody just wants to unwind and rate statements on a scale from “Strongly Agree” to “Strongly Disagree.” But sometimes, after eagerly refreshing your inbox, you realize that there are no more surveys to fill out. Strongly disapprove. There should be a building where you can fill out surveys to your heart’s content. Strongly approve.

Zipcarts – Lots of cities have Zipcar, the car sharing service that allows you to easily rent a car for a day. But that’s tough on the environment, and many of the roads on campus are closed anyway. We want Zipcarts: a center where you can rent one of SLU’s golf carts.

Apple store – Here at SLU, we want only the best merchandise. Golden Delicious? Please. It’s hard to eat healthy on campus, so we want a store that sells all the finest varieties of the world’s greatest fruit. Honeycrisp, Braeburn, Fuji and all your favorites. Oh, you were looking for a computer store? Try the Galleria.

So, there are some suggestions for how to make Midtown a more vibrant (and secure) area. Sure, some may prefer more housing options, or a more lively nightlife scene, but every university has that. These innovative additions would make the SLU area truly unique. And if you disagree, you’ll be able to register your opinion at the new survey center.