In a disturbing report released yesterday, 80 percent of surveyed Arts writers stated that they really only joined the newspaper email list to get into concerts. Being that the University News has a powerful presence in a square-mile radius of the school, agents of bands are constantly reaching out to them, offering up press passes.

“It’s quite difficult,” Arts Editor Natalie Riopelle, SLU junior, stated on Tuesday, “We’re just in such high demand from the tri-county area that it’s hard to catch a breath.”

She went on to say that bands, even from outside the county, send emails every day, begging to be given some attention from the newspaper giant.When asked about the types of bands, Riopelle replied, “Mostly up-and-ccomers. Like my ex-boyfriend Carl DiMaggio. He is always trying to get featured in our paper. He has a band with his best friend, Marco. They used to play outside Walmart on Wednesday nights,” Riopelle said. “He was always very good at the accordion.”

To match the high demand with an adequate supply, Riopelle and Associate Arts Editor Tom Bergan reach out to their network of student writers.

Among these writers, SLU senior Angie Montague was one of the most outspoken when asked about her involvement with the paper.

“Oh yeah I definitely joined to get into shows. I actually hate writing. Sometimes I’ll just go to the show and then tell the Arts people that I don’t have time to write an article after all. They’ve gotta hate me at this point!”

When asked, Riopelle confirmed that they did, in fact, hate her.

Other surveyed writers were just as open, including Edgar Smith who, after complaining about receiving the emails in the first place and how no one even looks at the paper anyway, added quickly, “But don’t tell Kyle that, it might break his heart.”

The remaining 20 percent of surveyed Arts writers said that they had forgotten they were on the Arts email list at all. Such as Antonio Phillips, a super senior, who apparently was denied press tickets to see the ever-popular Sparkling Vomit because he had failed to return the camera he’d borrowed from the newsroom during his last press excursion.

“Oh yeah, after that, I have their emails sent straight to spam,” said Phillips.

Update: Riopelle stated that Phillips still had not returned the camera.