“Dad-gum it,” lamented the old-timer reading the daily news as he waited for his emission inspection, “What the world really needs is more old-time religion.”

“Old-time religion?” I queried.

“That’s right, mister,” he told me, “I’m meaning that old-school, bible-thumping, fire and brimstone from the pulpit, old-time religion. That’d set the world straight.”

The look in my eyes told him that I wasn’t convinced that his biblical remedy was the world’s foolproof cure. I knew I was about to get an earful. “Youngsters like you don’t know the first thing about leading a God-fearing life or the extent of the repercussions if you don’t.” He added, “Nothing personal.”

“What you want to do is pick and choose what you want to believe; instead of having faith in the Word as it was written. Believing in the Bible is an all or nothing proposition for you to consider lad. Think about it; it’s God’s word.”

Then it clicked for me. This guy was what we like to call a fundamentalist. I’ve learned how to deal with him. I asked him, “What is your solution, then? Is it to believe the Bible word for word? I guess the world was made in seven days, huh?”

He said nothing.

“When Noah built the ark,” I continued, “Did he really gather two of every species? Were brown bears from North America aboard the vessel? How about anacondas from the Amazon in Brazil?”

He smiled as he told me, “Is it so far out of line to believe wholeheartedly in God’s many miracles? It’s easy to laugh, and make jokes. Especially about matters so difficult to understand.”

I was on a roll. “Level with me, fundamentalistic man. Did Moses part the Red Sea or not? What about Jesus and his life filled with so many miracles? Are the four Gospels and characters described within them historical? Did the events professed truly happen? Can the Bible be considered the inspired word of God, or is it merely a collection of politically motivated renderings contrived by man to fit man’s particular needs within a given context, time-frame and circumstance?”

“Dad-nab it,” barked the old-timer in a venomous tone, “Hold on one cotton-picking second. All I was saying was that the world needed more old-time religion. People need to realize that there’s more to worry about than just what the world can do to them. People who don’t straighten up and fly right will face God’s terrible wrath on judgment day. There’s going to be weeping and gnashing of teeth. I’m not pointing fingers, necessarily, but stating facts.”

The old-timer’s car passed the emission test. Mine didn’t. Was it a sign?

Mmm, could have been. He smiled the way I do when I’m proud of something.

He said, “God bless you, lad,” adding with a wink and a nod, “think about what I said, now.”

Just like a snap of the fingers, he was gone.

Was he ever really there?

The $200 I have to spend on my car to try to make it pass Missouri’s bogus inspection policy means nothing.

Heaven and hell are on my mind now. The old-timer made me realize my own mortality in a way I never considered it before. I can’t count on forgiveness that I may receive tomorrow. It’s in my best interest to live well today.

Bingo!

So some sacrifices have to be made to live a life worthy of salvation. The proposition’s not so bad when you think about it.

We live a mere lifetime on earth; eternal damnation is forever.