‘Swimfan’ sinks as story

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While the new flick “Swimfan” attempts to create the new “Fatal Attraction” of the decade, the film simply can not stay afloat.

“Swimfan” chronicles the crisis of Ben Cronin, a highly touted swimmer who gets in trouble once he has to face the consequences of cheating on his girlfriend with a dangerous, psychotic blond woman.

The woman becomes so obsessed with our witless hero that when he rebukes her advances, she goes on a rampage.

The poor guy has two women that are absolutely nuts about him.

File this scenario under, “problems some of us will never have.”

Various special interest groups will take “Swimfan” in different ways.

Many feminists will be confused by the film, for although the villainous blond woman cannot get over this guy, she seems to have unlimited power and resources in gaining revenge.

Other groups, however, may not take the film’s depictions quite as well.

As if they had not been mocked enough, the film reinforces the negative stereotype that women that use Carmex are eventually going to try to kill you.

The other group being picked on is, of course, science enthusiasts.

James Debello (Detroit Rock City), plus 20 pounds and a head of greasy hair, plays the outcasted intellectual who is regarded as “weird” without giving any indication of why that is (aside from his appearance).

One can certainly target the logic for mockery of the intelligent in the film.

To put it in a somewhat politically correct way, a person would have to take a “less than scientific” approach of thinking to appreciate this flick.

There are some films that require a person to suspend reality.

This movie requires your mind to go on a considerable hiatus. Viewers can let their brain take a nice cruise to Hawaii during this one.

After rejecting “when you finally thought it was safe to go back into the water,” the phrase “If you have had anything to eat in the last 15 minutes, do not see Swimfan” fits this film well.

It would be better if one chose not to go if he or she has had a light meal at some point in their lifetime.

It is difficult to concentrate on who in particular is to blame for this catastrophe.

Whether it was influenced by Kevin Williamson’s “Scream” or “Fatal Attraction,” one has to wonder for what reason this movie was made.

Perhaps it is to reveal that Jesse Bradford is fresh out of Brad Renfro’s School of Gaping-Mouth Acting.

If that is not enough, the movie features enough ridiculous replays and camera angle changes to make your head spin (in this case, hopefully away from the screen).

In a nutshell, this movie has all a young adult could ask for in a show.

It has an awkward pool sex scene and a complete absence of logic, with a variety of sexual puns.

Copyright The Oklahoma Daily