Spears plays two roles: popstar and mother

Britney Spears might just be Hollywood’s greatest humanitarian. Sure, Angelina Jolie adopts kids from third world countries. Sandra Bullock gave $1 million dollars of her own money to relief aid after Sept. 11. And if you have ever seen a single Oprah show, you know Tom Cruise is just nutters over Scientology outreach and charity programs. But Britney put them all to shame last Wednesday when she gave birth to a son and did a most gracious thing ?_” she gave him a normal name. Let’s back up. You would have to be living under a rock not to know that actress Gwyneth Paltrow and husband Chris Martin of Coldplay named their first born Apple. Courtney Cox and David Arquette dubbed their daughter Coco. (On second thought, having seen some of Arquette’s movies and fashion choices, that might not be as bad as it could have been.) The David Beckham/ Posh Spice clan includes a son named Romeo and Grease’s John Travolta has son Jet, named after the actor’s obsession with planes. Preston Michael Spears Federline has come out relatively unscathed. Maybe Mama Spears realized that her son would have a hard enough time growing up with kids who have all seen half-naked pictures of his mom. This “normal” name comes after a not-so-normal pregnancy. It was one of the most highly publicized pregnancies in the last twenty years. And no details were spared. In last month’s issue of Elle magazine, Mrs. Spears-Federline confided her fears about delivery. “‘My mom said giving birth was the most excruciating thing she’s ever gone through in her life. So if a caesarian doesn’t happen, I’ll be like, ‘Epidural, please.'” And we’re all like, “Not half as excruciating as having to sit through Crossroads.” US Weekly reports that staff members at UCLA Hospital were offered up to $1 million for a single picture of Baby Spears-Federline. So far, the privacy of the pop star and the newborn have not been tainted by the offer of money. Mrs. Spears-Federline reportedly almost gave into the trend of her celebrity counterparts. CNN says that she was planning to name her son London Preston after the city where she and husband Kevin’s love blossomed. Soon you will be able to purchase documentation of their courtship from UPN’s show Chaotic. But who can put a price on watching the Federlines blowing smoke and making out in front of personal cameras in night vision, a la Paris Hilton? Maybe Britney did not end world hunger or cure a disease, but she did save one more child from being beat up on the playground. When she takes baby Preston home to her $7 million dollar home mansion in Malibu, she can rest assured she has done a good thing. Britney has taught us all the importance and of touching just one child’s life. For this, we should take a break from our little college bubbles of academia, sports practices and frat parties to say, “Thank you, Britney Spears. Thank you.”

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