The Things I’ve Seen

Oh, man.

I have seen some ridiculous sights in my time, which isn’t a very long time, given that I’m only 20. I have still seen some strange things, though. I was in Glacier National Park, backpacking with my dad this summer, when I saw a glacier on the side of a mountain that had the number 100 printed in the side of it. The number was obviously pretty big, being on the side of a glacier, and I’m not quite sure how it got there. I picture a man in a snowmobile riding around on a glacier, forming a number in its side, and I laugh every time.

I have been to an alligator farm. I don’t understand why these even exist. I have seen my neighbor’s beagle chased around our house by my cat. If you’ve never seen a cat chase a dog, find a way to see it-now. It’s hilarious. I have seen a photo of a semi truck with the word “GOD” printed on the side of it. I wonder what company feels so important that it can name itself “GOD”? Metallica had two stages during one tour. I wonder why on earth they wasted the money to do such things. Two! Who the hell needs two stages for one band?

Ridiculous plant life, on the other hand, is not something I’ve seen much of. Everyone’s seen an oddly shaped tree somewhere around, but, until yesterday, I hadn’t seen anything that weird, as far as botany goes. I walked out in front of the Busch Student Center, under the instruction of my boss, and looked straight up at a 20-foot topiary of a Billiken, standing in front of the building and staring out on Grand. OK, now that is ridiculous.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not writing this column to complain about the topiary. I was asked to write this by a few people, and I’m not sure why. I think they dislike the topiary.

This is by far the most absurd decoration on campus, of any topiaries, statues or strange-things-on-poles-that-spin-and-sit-outside-of-the-BSC. John O’Brien, the director of the BSC, says that it’s supposedly staying there until construction on the arena starts. Well then, let construction wait. Of course, my opinion on that topic is biased, since I now live in Grand Forest, toward the back, which would be the section of apartments that will be demolished. The longer I can go without being shoved out of my apartment by a wrecking ball, the better.

I am a huge fan of ridiculous crap. I think this giant topiary is utterly and completely random, and therefore awesome. The “Botanical Billiken” looks just fine on our campus for now, if for no other reason than the fact that it holds no purpose at all.

 

Marshall Johnson is a junior in the College of Arts and Sciences

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