UNews challenges conventions in the spirit of B.o.B.


Rapper B.o.B. recently made headlines with a Twitter rant, questioning the conventional belief that the world is round; not even a rap battle with astrophysicist Neil Degrasse Tyson could change this “Flat-Earther’s” mind. Though it may seem ridiculous, as journalists we admire his skeptical spirit. Here are our own “unpopular beliefs”:

Paul: “I believe that it is time for the government to own up to the fact that it has been hiding the identity of the famous wizarding school Hogwarts and let those attend who are able. It is too late for me, of course—at this age I should be five years out of Hogwarts—but I will not stand for this type of academic blackmailing any longer. Don’t get me wrong, I am very grateful for the SLU education that I will complete in May, but I am sick and tired of egomaniacal bureaucrats trying to tell me that student loans do not apply to ‘fictitious’ schools of magic.”

Emily: “I do not believe in math. Like, they’re just numbers. And sometimes even letters (which is so [email protected]!*ed up!). But it’s like, just because we have more than one thing doesn’t mean we’re doing math. Let’s say my fellow caller-outer of made up bologna, B.o.B., is making some chocolate chip cookies. I have one on my plate. But then he puts another on my plate. That doesn’t mean “math” is happening—it just means I have one more dank cookie to enjoy with my friend and rap sensation.”

Lexie: “Science tells us is that you will need Organic Chemistry in your life when in reality, nobody needs that in their life. Not only is it not a necessity, but it is also a torture device used to try to scare those who are looking to go into the medical field or get a PhD. In fact, if you ask any medical professional how often they utilize their Organic Chemistry knowledge they will respond with a slight laugh and say ‘never.’ Organic Chemistry is the lie they tell college students to make sure we still have other occupations in this world.”

Lauren: “Psychologists and neuroscientists everywhere are lying to us about the sources of our emotions.  While they have fooled us into thinking the limbic system and hippocampus or whatever are the reasons we feel sadness, joy, anger and the like, I know for fact that we all have the five characters from ‘Inside Out’ inside each and every one of us that live along with us and turn our lives into really cute plots that could one day turn into animated tear-jerkers. They are the actual sources of emotion, not big words I can’t pronounce or keep straight.”

Tess: “The existence of aliens is being kept under wraps by the government. If there are billions of galaxies out there, then there is no way that aliens do not exist. They are definitely out there, and the government knows. But maybe it’s for the best. If the population discovered that aliens are real there would be mass chaos. Doomsday preppers would go into overdrive, and we would be preparing for invasions like those seen in  ‘Signs,’ ‘Cloverfield,’ and ‘War of the Worlds.’”

Alex: “Gravity.  Lets think about it: hundreds of years ago, some idiot underneath a tree had something fall on his head, and we call that the most groundbreaking scientific discovery of all time?  Well how do we explain airplanes? Space shuttles? I have a dog who loves to jump on me, what does gravity have to say about that?  Clearly someone high up in the government, be it the Clinton campaign, EPA, or NRA lobby, is trying to keep us in the dark about what’s really going on.”

Tim: “Where, exactly, did Punxsutawney Phil get his degree in meteorology?”

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