Because the main circulation of this issue of The University
News is upcoming freshmen, I direct this commentary toward those
people.

May I be the first (or maybe second or third or . . . ) to
welcome you to Saint Louis University. Against the advice of your
parents, relatives, teachers, guidance counselors, mentors and
grocery store clerks, you have chosen wisely to attend this
prestigious school. And as I enter my junior year–as scary a
thought as that is–I feel it is my duty to guide you toward a
fruitful and rewarding college experience. This all starts in the
first few days and weeks of freshman year, a time that I will
concentrate on the most.

The first bit of advice, which you can obey right now, is to
read this paper. I’m not saying that from some pedestal, decreeing
that this paper is vital toward you surviving college. I am a
realistic person. Still, it will give a fairly good impression of
things to come and, to a certain extent, what goes on on campus.
Besides, we work very hard on this, and I would hope such effort
would not be in vain.

On to the dorms. Like it or not, this glorified closet will be
your ground zero for the next year, so you might as well make it as
comfortable as possible. The first priority is the microwave. One
cannot live on Gries and DeMatt (Griesedieck and DeMattias Halls
for the uninitiated) alone, so the microwave will become a key
source of late-night sustenance. Along with this, bring copious
amounts of Ramen noodles, Easy-Mac and popcorn.

A computer is also a “big must” for every student in the dorms.
Yes, computers are great for writing papers and doing projects and
all that, but the main reason to have your own computer is instant
messenger. You will soon find that this is the only way to
communicate with your fellow students; the phone is there only for
parents and the authorities.

Bring a big fridge, not the rental stuff that the university
offers. Make sure it can handle a case of cola and several bottles
of lemonade, in case you happen to get thirsty. A fridge lock is a
bonus.

The key ingredient to having the cool dorm room, the one
everyone wants to hang out in, is the furniture. Be it a Futon, old
recliner, love seat or even a full-sized couch, it is worth the
hassle of getting it inside the room. For you out-of-town folks,
the best place to go is the Salvation Army/Goodwill/St. Vincent de
Paul stores a few short blocks away on Forest Park Boulevard.
Couches are around $30, with recliners in the $10-$20 range. The
investment will come back in spades during the first lemonade
social you will inevitably host with such a comfy room.

A quick note on lemonade socials: Being that you are concripted
into the First Year Experience, it is best to lock doors at all
times, keep the music down and keep the lemonade and colas hidden
from plain view. Another key to having the cool room is having a
sizable old VHS tapes and DVDs; John Hughes’ movies are best for
ladies, and drunken comedies are best for guys.

If at all possible, bring plenty of underwear, socks and
T-shirts, as well as the biggest laundry bag available. The perfect
size is one that can comfortably fit a little person inside. You
will soon find that these items will stave off spending precious
quarters as long as humanly possible.

Now that the dorm room is fully prepared for college life, let
us turn to the social scene. On the day you arrive in the dorms,
find the townie living in your hall; (trust me, there is always one
in every hall).

This person will prove crucial in the first weeks, mainly
because they should know where everything is in the city,
especially the best places to get lemonade and cola. Also, these
people will most likely have brought a car with them–also very
critical. If you are a townie, please be kind to the
out-of-towners, for they know not where they are. While looking for
a townie, try to find someone with a fake I.D., as well.

Don’t rush to rush. Guys, go to a few events, meet some guys,
get some free wings, but hold off until the spring until taking any
of it seriously. Everyone seems like a nice guy the first week you
meet him; the real impressions come as the semester goes by.

Ladies, the sorority system seems to have you between a rock and
a hard place. My best advice is not to get completely caught up in
the whole rushing extravaganza. Also, have a sense of humor about
the whole thing; it can be quite funny when you look at it from far
away.

Join clubs as soon as you can, if for no other reason than to
meet upperclassmen. Being cooped up with freshmen is nice and all
for a little while, but knowing upperclassmen means knowing where
the party is, getting lemonade and colas easier and generally
having people to answer questions.

If you follow these few guidelines for your first couple of
weeks of school, everything should go pretty well. After a while,
though, you should be able to navigate the complex world of college
life by yourself. I hope this has been helpful. If you have any
more questions, find me on campus and ask; I’m the guy who looks
like that picture at the beginning of this diatribe.

One last thing. Unless you are in a relationship that involves
the L-word extensively, don’t try the long-distance relationship
thing. It only gets messy and complicated, and will probably end up
in separation.

Drew Ewing is a junior studying aerospace
engineering.