The latest alteration to campus is difficult to notice. It’s not
a shiny new student center, a library wing or a coffee house for
java-deprived students. Rather, the winds of change have blown away
a Midtown fixture that has proudly stood for five years on the
corner of Lindell and Vandenventer. For the three people who
actually enjoyed the Trova Statue Park, please accept my humble
condolences. Now, excuse me while I dance on its grave.
Before I get accused of statue discrimination, let me say that
nothing could be further from the truth. I once attempted to
re-enact “Moby Dick” with an exceptionally rotund friend in the
aquamarine waters of the Dolphin Pond, but DPS didn’t appreciate my
hunt for Melville’s elusive white whale.
Despite my legendary repartee with the ladies, even Don Juan de
Butler goes home alone once in a while. On those days, when hell
has frozen over and Satan dispenses free sleigh rides, nothing
soothes my lonely soul like the stoic gaze of Red Jacket Lady by
the library. If sobriety has gone by the wayside, I will often
pause and pretend that she’s checking me out. Following this plan,
I am guaranteed to win the approval of at least one lady
Billiken.
Great art provokes discussion, and several of our statues have
encouraged me to perform some lengthy pontificating. Apparently,
the Frost guy sitting on the bench outside the library is a pretty
famous poet who wrote about snowstorms or something, but the deeper
mysteries of the universe hold no intrigue for me. Rather, I am
captivated by art that challenges our perceptions of everyday
life.
Take a statue I like to call Double Trouble, for example.
Located outside Father Biondi’s home, this faceless enigma is all
dude below the waist, but the bust also features impressive
endowments in its, um, bust. Which restroom would such a creature
use? Is it really a hermaphrodite, or simply a hormonally
challenged guy with man boobs? These are the questions that keep me
awake at night.
Trova Sculpture Park offered none of these quandaries, save one.
Even a quick glance at the metallic monstrosities inspired
countless St. Louisans to inner monologues with their Savior.
Unfortunately, Jesus’ name usually preceded the phrase, “That thing
is friggin’ ugly.”
Known formally as “AV/Bedu,” this collection of junkyard scraps
was finally removed for the development of new intramural fields.
As a self-professed patron of the arts, I suppose I should bemoan
the latest casualty in the battle of brains vs. brawn–but I won’t.
The next time I’m in the mood to stare at something gruesome and
metallic, I’ll drive to Blockbuster and rent a Terminator film.
In its five-year tenure on campus, the Trova Sculpture Park did
nothing but occupy valuable real estate on a campus eager for
growth and struggling for space. With the fabled arena’s
construction looming on the horizon, campus life is about to become
even more cramped. Kudos to the administration for finally removing
the 800 lb. gorilla on the west end of campus.
The intramural fields will provide a venue for students to
condition their bodies–a much better use of space than the
sculptures we’ve conditioned our minds to ignore.
