As I finish my academic career at Saint Louis University, I
cherish my decision for enrolling at such a fine institution. Saint
Louis University is a wonderful school that fosters the Jesuit
ideals. Walking to class every day I thoroughly enjoy the lushly
green grass and beauty of our campus.
The campus has had a drastic makeover since I first stepped foot
at SLU to visit my older brother 12 years ago. In fact, SLU looks
like it was decorated by your friends from “Queer Eye for the
Straight Guy.”
Yep, those crazy rascals from the Bravo channel must have had a
hand in turning SLU into its current beauteous wonder. The evidence
is simply everywhere on campus.
The bronzed statues showing god-like men is where it all starts.
The elegant statues displaying flat abs and chiseled muscles can be
seen just about anywhere. But as nice- looking as these statues may
be, SLU needs to work on the statue names.
For instance, our golden boy named “Doug” by the clock tower
needs a new name. I suggest an epic name like Virgil or Achilles.
Not Doug, that was the name of a cartoon character on
Nickelodeon.
Another excellent features of our campus that our five Queer Eye
boys must have recommended are the transparent water fountains.
From the village apartments, to the business school, these glorious
fountains symbolize the mystique of ancient Rome.
My favorite are the cheerful dolphins outside Ritter Hall. These
lovable guys remind me of the beloved “Flipper,” another classic
Nickelodeon show that displays the importance of human and dolphin
interaction. The fountain near Tegeler Hall is a treasure,
reminiscent of Rome’s Fountain of Trevi.
The final touch from these playful rapscallions are the
ever-blooming flowers. The mixture of burgundy, violet, fuchsia and
scarlet-red provides a fresh, vivacious jubilance, even after a
night of partying.
This landscape feature recalls the wild flowers in the “Wizard
of Oz,” minus the crazy flying monkeys, of course.
I love the way these five fashion gurus have decorated our
campus. Yet, I think we need a pinch of manliness to balance the
feminine statues of friends like “Doug.”
Therefore I propose a simple idea that will help SLU keep its
friendly ambiance but invoke fear in those who cross the boundary:
We need to build a giant pirate ship next to the lagoon by the
baseball fields.
Nothing shows manliness like an eye patch, a peg leg and talking
parrots. We could even change our nickname from the Billikens to
the Billiken Pirates.
Imagine how intimidating the Billiken statue would look with an
eye patch!
With a pirate Billiken and our friend Doug fighting
side-by-side, SLU will become an unstoppable mixture of beauty and
the beast.
