I wonder if there's anything we think about more than love. Virtually every song on the radio talks about the relationships we have, the relationships we want, the relationships we are mad/sad/happy/proud to have had. Rare is the Hollywood movie that does not feature a plotline about love, whether childhood, unrequited or unconditional. It's no surprise that love is possibly the most universal theme out there. It's what we want, what we miss, what we need. The love of our parents, our siblings, our best friends, our significant others, our neighbors, our mentors, our grandparents, our pets-love adopts every form imaginable.
No matter where you are, what kind of money you make, what you look like, your race, gender, orientation or age, love is the one thing common to us all. It's the one thing we all seek.
From an early age, we understand what affection and protection means. For those of us who are lucky enough, our parents provided the first template of love. After that, we moved on to our first fish, then maybe a brother or sister, and perhaps even that kid next door we played with after school. It was all about acceptance, security and general liking.
Then things started getting complicated. Middle school popularity contests made the approval of our peers tantamount. Catching the eye of that someone in your history class took more time than taking notes on revolutions and reformations. Packing all your precious accomplishments in that fancy dossier for a college to choose signaled a new level of love. We forgot about the real friendships we had during recess, that first pet that only lived a week and when our sibling gave us a heartfelt apology for being mean to us. Instead, we are concerned with molding ourselves into what we think is worthy of love, and lose sight of the fact that we were just ourselves when we were most loved.
Somewhere along the line, we stopped fighting for love of ourselves. The external world became so big, attractive and fast-suddenly the inside didn't seem to matter all that much. Did we forget, or just not care? Where was the love of ourselves?
Even though it didn't seem so at the time, and still sometimes doesn't, our opinion of ourselves matters more than that of anyone else-more than teachers, employers, cousins and classmates. We are human, and because of that, we feel. It is natural to desire the acceptance of others-we are also social beings, and relationships are what sustain us and make life rich and worth living. But a relationship does not have to follow some artificial formula and arbitrary guidelines.
Indeed, we all have a relationship with ourselves that needs to be nurtured and listened to just like every other relationship. Instead of focusing so much on what someone else loves, let's look at what we love. Lets think about ourselves, appreciate what we have, change what we want to, learn about ourselves, surprise ourselves and respect ourselves. Loving yourself makes you a better participant in your other relationships: happy, confident and peaceful people are some of the best to have around. A happier you leads to a better you leads to better relationships leads to a happier you and so forth. It's a great cycle to maintain.
We deceive ourselves into thinking that someone else can give us completeness. But at the end of the day, it is just you, with your thoughts, beliefs, values, goals and fears. Don't ignore that person. If you don't like who you are, look closely and see what's missing and make yourself into someone you love. It's just silly to expect someone else to love what you yourself won't or can't. The relationships we have are infinitely more pure and more satisfying when we love ourselves. But they cannot replace the love you have or lack for yourself.
This wasn't as big of an issue when we were 12 years old. Ultimately, that's because we didn't know ourselves. Even though that process never really ends, and self-discovery is part of self-love, the majority of us have a better sense of identity now. Since we knew what we are, we can love it. I'm not really one for cheesy sitcom morals, and I never even watched "Sex and the City" when it was on HBO.
However, I caught a bit of the last episode and thoroughly enjoyed the perspective Carrie has on her journey for love in New York City:
"Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous."
The next time you're in the car, turn up that love song like you always do and dance softly, hoping nobody's watching. But this time, murmur the lyrics to yourself.
Maryam Zia is a junior studying biology and Spanish.
