I write to lament the unconscionable absence of a proper pizzeria on our fair campus. While it is true that a few local restaurateurs peddle menu items they call “pizza,” any reference to these establishments as pizzerias could only arise from the remarkable charity of the student body at SLU.

I believe the administration should endeavor with rapidity to promote the establishment of a pioneering restaurant to be named “Pizza Lab”. Naturally, this pizzeria will be themed as a laboratory of chemistry—the most glorious of the sciences. Laboratory benches will serve as tables. Beakers and flasks will serve as glassware for delicious, sugary fountain drinks and cold, frothy beers. Friendly staff will don white lab coats as they serve their boisterous clientele. Nobel Prize memorabilia will adorn the walls of slate chalkboards. 

Most importantly, this establishment will serve proper pizza, in the grand tradition graced by Providence and embodied in the corner storefronts of New York City. While they can, patrons need not order full pies, because a generous selection of fresh, hot slices will always be available for peckish customers.

I predict this establishment will quickly become a focal point of campus, surpassing the prominence of the clocktower and falling second in importance only to our active and splendid College Church.

It is time our community had a proper pizzeria. We must endeavor with vigor to make this vision a reality.

Paul J. Bracher

Associate Professor

Department of Chemistry