Wow. I was really dreading this column. I knew that no matter what I wrote, half the people here would hate me. I was still going to write it, don’t get me wrong, but I wasn’t looking forward to it. But then I was relieved of the duty of making Charlton Heston’s presentation look like a joke. The Great Warrior himself did that.

For those of you who were not there last night, prepare yourselves for a long list of mistakes and embarrassments that have befallen our school at the hands of the Great Issues Committee. For those of you who were there, I’m sorry. The word waste comes to mind.

For the rest of my column, I will be giving you my observations of the evening as I spoke with people of all kinds, listened to Heston twice, and those observations that I gathered by just looking around the room at the circus, that while entertaining, was a waste of my time, tuition and brain cells.

I think that we shall start with the issues surrounding Mr. Heston, and no, in this section I will not write that word that begins with “g” and ends in “un.”

In fact, I was happy to hear that Heston kept his promise of not bringing “that” up in his speech. In the press conference prior to his address, Heston told reporters that he would be speaking about a “cultural erosion” of morals and of American ideals. The next 15 minutes were filled with questions about the second amendment and its related issues.

But at the end, I got the final question, and asked the man himself what actions he would recommend to students to help fight the erosion. He said, “Guess you’ll just have to watch.” That was it.

So I watched. And he never answered my question. He started off by reiterating that the erosion would be his topic, and then never touched it again. He never made his point. He never complained about the erosion, or about signs of the erosion, or what we can do to combat the erosion. In fact most people couldn’t even tell me what the erosion was.

What his talk was, was one quote after another about this great land we live in. He talked about all the great men he had played, and about what made them great. He went on and on about how great America was, and about how much he loved it. He talked about heroic battles and mythical movie characters. He never approached the present, except to say that he didn’t like to talk about the common man, he liked to talk to the non-common man. And it was men he talked about.

Even the pointless ramblings themselves were filled with contradictions. He complained about the way that Americans today want freedom without restraints. Yet, for the last decade he has verbally fought to make sure that the least of the safety devices developed for guns would be not be applied to modern weapons-all that in the name of freedom. He claimed that the Roman Empire was the second greatest democracy behind the United States. Needless to say, anyone who just read that last sentence can see that it was an Empire, which is distinctly an opposite system to democracy. He even praised Hadrian, one of the “mighty Roman rulers,” as someone who loved humanity and blessed the world with the spread of the Empire.

Of course, this same leader, violently threw the Jews out of their homeland, but I guess the great thinker missed that point. His only controversial comments were two that bordered on blatant racism. In proof of the greatness of our people he said, “We belonged to the land, before the land belonged to us.” The quote was straight out of the argument that supported Manifest Destiny, which claimed that God gave this land to us and we were justified in taking it, even if it meant savagely slaughtering the indigenous people who resided here.

His second comment was made during his question-and-answer session, when he claimed that there were too many agendas and he “doesn’t like the hyphenated ethnic terms” like “African-American.” He complained that we should just all be American, like him.

Apparently, Mr. Heston sees no value in celebrating the history and culture of any diverse groups unless they involve the great men that he played in his incredible repertoire. Why didn’t he just ask why we couldn’t all just be white?

Beyond the speech, Mr. Constitutionality made a couple of funny moves. I spoke with Channel 4 news anchor John Mills who told us that security was attempting to physically keep the media off the patio in front of the Busch Memorial Center so that they couldn’t photograph or interview the protesters.

Wow, can anyone tell me what is protected under the FIRST amendment? I was just wondering. Oh yeah, and in case Heston supporters were concerned about this incoherent rambling getting out, Mr. Heston banned media from recording his speech. So much for the freedom to report.

Hey Charlie, I wouldn’t want to hear that one again either. In a speech that I could have given without compromising any of my beliefs, or upsetting any of my liberal friends, he sounded like a gray old man looking back on the good old days, when his generation, the greatest generation, was in control. He wouldn’t even answer questions that weren’t hand picked by his supporters.

Now I must point fingers. Someone is responsible for all this. I must now wrangle with the misled arm of the GOP that we call the Great Issues Committee.

Let’s talk money first. $50,000-that is the amount spent on bringing this rambling old man to us. A reported $25,000 came from the budget of the Committee itself, while the rest came from “other sources.” That dollar sign represents over 78 percent of the committee’s budget. Then, after assuring me that the committee had no right-wing slant, I watched as members of the College Republican Party, without affiliation with the GI committee organize, the crowd and schmooze with the brass. But who would guess they were in bed together?

If James Harris (VP of the CRP), walking crooked from the chip on his shoulder, wearing his Rush Limbaugh suit, tried to oust me from my specially granted media position one more time, I was going to paper-cut him to death the Constitution.

Right after encouraging the protesters to act in a proper manner, I witnessed CRP members and GI committee members, waving their arms trying to get the crowd to whoop it up like it was a football game as the man entered. Very professional guys. I hope we nasty radicals didn’t cramp your style.

But what upset me the most was the level of blatant irresponsibility that the GI committee showed. I believe that it is a fundamental aspect of Jesuit education to bring in controversial speakers to the student body. In an interview last year with Father Michael Sheeran, President of Regis University, I asked him how he could justify bringing Elizabeth Dole into that institution and awarding her a honorary doctorate. He explained that Jesuit education is based on teaching its students how to think for themselves. Therefore they must inform those students with the knowledge to make decisions on the pressing issues of the day. But the important point was that the school has an inherent obligation to provide both sides of an issue. If it does not do this, than it is betraying Jesuit ideals, and it is acting irresponsibly and is undermining its purpose.

I saw none of these concerns addressed by the GI committee. The way that they presented Mr. Heston was cowardly. They intentionally withheld the news that he was coming for over three months, releasing the event just a week prior. This can easily be interpreted as an attempt to minimalize organized opposition. But they missed the point that the opposition was just as important as the speaker himself. It is what would have changed this presentation from a Republican good-old-boy meeting, into a Jesuit event.

I approached Derek Goewert about this, prior to Heston’s talk. He tried to convince me that the committee was supplying the school with liberal views. He attempted to name the upcoming speakers who could be considered of liberal slant, but he was literally unable to remember their names. Not surprising, considering I have only heard of one of them, Father Roy Bourgeois. I know him through my specialized work with the opposition to the School of the Americas. Of course, Goewert thought his first name was Harry. Even after I prompted him, Goewert was unwilling to acknowledge that he was obligated to publicize these future speakers with the same techniques that Heston received.

In the end we all suffered. The school lost a whole load of money to hear pointless babble. Even if you are a supporter of Heston’s movements against gun control, you got screwed, because your man looked like an issue-dodging weenie.

But I don’t worry. I was assured by high- ranking members of SGA that legislation would be drafted immediately to revamp the Great Issues Committee. One of the highest -sitting students said, “That this would never happen again.”

I encourage Jay Perry and his government to assure that his committees stick to the obligations put upon them by this institution. Wow, what a Great Issue-and an embarrassing night-for the SLU community.