One of my fellow classmates believes that life is like a giant metaphor. As I laughed at the comment, I nodded my head in agreement. I can’t even begin to count the hours I have spent reading quotes in hopes of finding inspiration. Metaphors seem to be the anti-inflammatory drug to calm the symptoms caused by life issues. But, of course, they only soothe the symptoms which hide the issues so the real problems can be shoved back to the depth of the human soul.

Issues are an inescapable fact of life. Everyone has issues, even the people who say they don’t. Their issue is the mere fact that they are unable to admit that they have issues. An issue is an irritation, either minor or major, that affects the emotional state of the individual having the issue. Issues come in all shapes and sizes.

Everything can and will become an issue. For example, a tennis shoe that refuses to stay tied would create shoe issues for the individual attempting to wear the shoe.

To get to the point, I have relationship issues. However, I believe that I am not alone. People in relationships and people out of relationships have relationship issues. One group is desperately searching to be a part of a relationship while the other group is frantically determining how to escape their current guy/gal frustration. It seems that the search for the perfect soul mate is a no-win situation.

Why then does the majority of the human race spend most of their conscious existence whining about relationships?

We are addicted to the idea of a one true love. Somehow, while our parents so lovingly read fairy tales at bedtime, we became hooked and convinced that once we find true love, life will make sense. What the Grimm brothers failed to tell us is that happily-ever-after is just the beginning.

I have become a hopeless romantic. My life goal has become a search for my one true love or, as I like to call him, my lobster. The idea, sadly, is not my own. In a Friends episode Phoebe explains to the crew that lobsters mate for life and then proceeds to tell Rachel that Ross is her lobster (we all know how that relationship turned out). I wish I could set traps like the fishermen up in Maine. Every morning I would simply pull up the crates and throw back the bad catches.

There would be no need for first dates or bad pick up lines, and by the end of the day I would enjoy a fine lobster dinner. I would not spend my evening alone.

Sadly, that is not the case. Lobster is expensive, and in the case of the one true love, the heart usually picks up the tab.

Again, I have relationship issues. Despite my relationship past-which the WB has secretly stolen from my journal and made into hit TV shows-I maintain this prince charming ideal. That one day my prince will come and sweep me off my feet, and then my life will finally make sense. I will be blissfully happy and in love.

Until that day, I choose to live in the metaphors that come my way. I will live vicariously through the love triangle of Joey, Dawson and Pacey (which seems to be currently on hiatus) and the occasional happily-ending chick flick on a Saturday night dinner and a movie date.

After a recent rock climbing trip to the Wichita Mountains in southeastern Oklahoma, my rock climbing buddy described life as a giant rock climb. I immediately applied his life-is-like philosophy to my nonexistent (or complex) love life (take your pick).

He described a climber stuck with no hold available within six inches. At this point, he said, you have two options: Be let back down and loose everything you had previously gained, or clear your mind and body and go after the mountain with all your soul as if you have nothing to lose.

As a final consolation for my fellow hopeless romantics or individuals with relationship issues, remember:

The risk of a broken heart is by far the greatest risk of all, but at the same time a risk we have to take.

There is a lobster waiting for you in a grocery store aquarium or an ocean cove. May your one true love swim up and pinch you on the big toe.