So, my friends, what do you believe to be the ultimate goals driving the leading candidates in the race for the highest office in the land?

Championing the rights of the weak and disenfranchised? Or maybe creating a government with less influence in our lives? Or one of a host of other “righteous” ideals?

Well, as wonderful as the rhetoric may sound, it all comes down to one thing.

Power.

Who has it and who wants it.

Al “I went back in time and created the Great Society” Gore and George “Presidential authority” W. Bush-and through them the Republicans and Democrats-are in a battle to the mat. Each party jockeying for the most powerful position in the country; President.

Power.

They both want it, though they cloud it in some of the most muddled double-speak slang this side of Clockwork Orange. Al Gore wants to keep it, and G.W. wants to revenge his father’s fall from it.

This campaign has to be one of the most blatant examples in years. By limiting the debate to the Republican and Democratic candidates (thanks to the fact that the control of the debate commission rests in the hands of former head Republican and Democrat party officials), they keep any possible future power-holders out of sight.

Both the Democrats and the Republicans want “The Power.” They will fight each other tooth and nail to achieve it. They will ruin lives and careers to achieve it. Just look at poor old Gary Hart.

Both parties seem to be running under the belief that the enemy you know is better than the enemy you don’t. It’s possible that the Democrats may have thrown the 1972 election to Nixon in order to keep George McGovern (an uncontrolled “X” factor who won the Democratic nomination, back when it meant something, and who would have beat the stuffing out of Nixon) from reaching the most powerful position in the nation. This is unproven, but it makes a good deal of sense, from a political point of view. Why risk a rogue do-gooder when you have a good scam going?

The Republicans and Democrats learned their lesson with third parties in 1992. Thanks mostly to a little billionaire from Texas who had a large, devoted (some may say fanatical) following in this country.

Unfortunately, Ross Perot was a bit too dodgy for his own good. He dropped out mumbling about a secret group having possession of embarrassing photos of his daughter and that they would expose them if he didn’t drop out. As a result, his run in 1996 was less than eventful.

Just in case, however, the debate commission decided to increase the minimum percentage a candidate must get in the polls to appear in the debates to 15 percent, effectively blocking any possibility of the inclusion of a third party candidate.

As it was, it took the Democrats and Republicans weeks and weeks of arguing, whining and yelling to agree to conditions under which they might debate. Given Gore and Bush’s performances in the debates, it made one wonder why they were worried in the first place. The responses were so scripted that a duo of trained chimpanzees with stacks of pre-written answer cards could have done the job, and done it with more life. It must be said that Jim Lehrer did attempt to stir things up a bit, but he was a well-known arbitrator refereeing a fixed fight, and didn’t stand a chance.

The two major parties have so blatantly hijacked the presidential races that they even threw out Ralph Nader (with ticket in hand) from the audience of the first debate lest he cause a “disturbance”.

Ralph Nader is in third place in the polls. Granted, he only has 3 percent or so of the national polls (according to Gallup at 4 p.m. Wednesday) , but he is still the third favorite choice of the people for President of the United States of America.

You don’t throw the bronze medal winner off the winner’s platform because he might throw a fit.

This is getting to the heart of the matter. The people choose the president (yeah, yeah, the electoral college does, but we’re arguing principle here). Yet the Democrats and Republicans are doing anything and everything to eliminate anyone but their two candidates. They have totally subverted the electoral process, and the people, nay, the press has let it happen.

The major news outlets are so afraid of inviting the wrath of their corporate sponsors and owners, that they have failed to report on the most important political events of this election. The events truly affect our country as a whole and the idea of democracy as a system of government.

We let these boys stay in our house, and now they have our keys and our checkbooks and threaten to call the police any time we ask for them back.

They sit around and invite their friends over and spill whisky on the carpets and run up our credit cards.

Maybe it’s time we did something about it.