If you have a hard time getting out of bed in the morning, tuning your alarm to a modern jazz station will certainly uncover that critical path to the shower. For sure, a bunch of middle-aged white people wanking through melodic and soothing solos triggers an immediate craving for warm water and lots of soap.

Chances are the station will be pumping Pat Metheny on their stereo, since he’s just released another meandering record called Speaking of Now with his Pat Metheny Group. Truth be told, they’re all amazing musicians, well trained and capable of maintaining a fair amount of improvisational integrity. The problem, though, is hinted at in the press kit, as the group’s intent on utilizing no-holds-barred creativity to compose unique compositions that blur and obliterate stylistic boundaries ultimately leads to nothing at all.

This is heavily researched music, and it bears that monotony of spending your entire afternoon at the library. It’s supposed to be cohesive, yet it seems fragmented with each new track. Metheny and his cohorts have aimed to stay true to jazz tradition (whatever his definition of that is), while taking an open-ended, forward-thinking approach in hopes of staking out some indescribable new musical territory that is accessible, melodic and energetic. What this really means, is that Speaking of Now should be sold at Sharper Image.

Mostly composed of misguided instrumentals, this record is further evidence that those who listen to the bulk of contemporary jazz lead a meaningless life. And like Pat Metheny, they’ve probably got some hairy, hairy palms too. D+