MTV is on the march, set to invade our campus later this month. You’d think that the threat of invasion would put a few students on their guard, but no one really seems to mind. Are we in need of liberation? Are we paying more than $20,000 a year to live out some adolescent sitcom fantasy that pits pesky, mischievous kids against The Man in the principal’s office? Probably not.

But students certainly haven’t made it clear either that they’re not just a bunch of children. There are some active minds out there–and a fair share of people who are just too busy, I guess–but if I hadn’t been on a college campus before and I came to SLU, I’d think most of the people around here hadn’t learned too much thus far in their twenty-or-so years.

Public enemy number one is the College Television Network (CTN). This is pathetic. If I want to enjoy the little free time I have between classes eating a meal at Fusz Food Court or Gries Cafeteria–which are among the better dining facilities on campus–I have to sit there and consume all this junk along with my meal. Of course I can always sit in the back, where there’s no sunlight.

How sad is it that we are so very afraid of letting silence fill the air, letting our eyes wander over the world outside? Why not fill Gries’ void with gentle, engaging music, music whose attraction lies in its patience instead of some loop of flashy videos spinning around over my head like a playpen toy? Aren’t we supposed to be relaxing?

Why no Mozart with my lunch? Because we’re kids? Because this is what we deserve?

The second charge against CTN is its news coverage. OK, music is a matter of taste–but those CBS news briefs? As if broadcast news weren’t watered-down enough, CBS has hired some young hipster wearing too much make-up to give us what is implicitly a specialized, collegiate version of the usual CBS reports. Shouldn’t college students deserve a more critical news report than the rest of the population? It’s blatantly obvious that CBS feels it needs a dumbed-down report for college students. Again, why do we deserve special treatment?

But this junk-culture pipeline is not the only problem.

Here’s a story. When war in Iraq broke out, I spent most of the next 48 hours sitting in the Clock Tower, talking with anyone who approached me–supporters and opponents of the war alike. On Friday afternoon, we had some company.

The first group that joined us at the Clock Tower was a sorority selling Girl Scout cookies. Now, of course, I have no problem with this organization or what they were doing. Their proceeds were going to charity–who can argue with that? I am disappointed, however, as I think back and remember the number of people who flocked over to buy cookies compared to the number of people speaking with us–or with the College Republicans in the Quad, for that matter. We were talking about war–you know that multibillion-dollar undertaking that changes history?

Then came the kicker. This guy from Freshens (one of our friends from Fusz) approaches us escorting a man in a six-foot banana suit. Who the hell is this for? The illegitimate children we’re supposed to have had with all our promiscuous sex? Luckily, despite the banana’s best efforts, very few students even made eye contact.

It all makes me wonder just what outsiders really think of college students. Despite all the well-deserved praise professors often give, there seems to be a pervading notion that we kids will swallow anything you cram down our throats. But something must be telling these companies–the same kind that air commercials on CTN and sponsor MTV events–that it’s worth their while to keep pumping money into ad campaigns that focus on young people.

What is it? Compliance. Perhaps these companies really do target post-adolescents, filling us with an inflated, commercialized desire for unattained independence, all the while offering their product as the solution. Throw in a beer here a news report there and we could practically teach our own classes, right? All of that may be true, but it won’t work if no one believes it.

Let the Student Activities Board throw Spring Fever; why not spend a Friday afternoon out in the sun? Just tell MTV we’re not buying. Of course I could be wrong–as we’ve seen in the past, when it comes to speaking out or shoving cookies in your face, the kids will always pick the cookies.

Andrew Ivers is a freshman studying English and political science.