Sound the war horns and wake the dragons, the battles on the
college warfront are far from over.

A chemistry teacher was lecturing to his class, and while
holding a bottle he said, “This is ether alcohol, the same
substance found in many alcoholic beverages. It is poisonous when
consumed in large quantities, as some of you are doomed to
discover.”

Many college students do indeed consider themselves explorers
out to discover new experiences, but the world they end up
discovering is the convoluted world of alcohol.

College freshmen are the target and alcohol is the weapon of
choice in this particular campus battle. The weapon is present at
almost every party on just about every college campus–though the
University may not even know it. If any college student wants to
find an alcoholic thirst quencher at a party, they can find one;
it’s not that difficult.

The problem is not that it’s easy to obtain alcohol–the problem
is that students guzzle alcohol for no apparent reason.

College students have grown up watching movies and television
shows that bombard the public with a barrage of alcohol ads and
themes. If getting drunk at a frat party is what looks cool in the
movies, then surely it must be cool in real life. Isn’t it ironic
that those movies that show great “college” parties always seem to
skip the next morning? Oh yes, college freshmen go to those
parties–Greek, non-Greek, doesn’t matter–and they find out just
how exciting it is to get trashed and feel no pain. Exciting, that
is, until the next morning.

When the morning light comes streaming in, the poor unlucky
college frosh roll out of bed, then crawl, squirm and drag
themselves to the nearest porcelain god.

Lord knows what an outsider would think if they saw the amount
of pagan toilet worshipping that takes place every weekend. Four
water bottles and two extra strength Tylenol later, the college
student begins to feel a bit more human, and chances a few
saltines. Overall, as the freshmen reflect upon the past evening
and its consequences, the bad usually outweighs the good–at least
it should.

Yet, despite the terrible aftereffects–more commonly known as a
hangover–many college students test their capacity, over and over
again, repeatedly causing themselves to feel miserable in the
morning for the sake of one night of mindless, false happiness. It
makes a person wonder: Haven’t they learned their lesson?
Apparently not.

In order to discover the reason for excessive college drinking,
we have to first assess the average college freshman psyche.

It is a small minority on a college campus that can be put into
a room–let’s just say it’s a party–with a group of people they’ve
never met, and be comfortable. Adding alcohol, which is technically
a depressant–hence why you don’t drink and take Ritalin–is a sure
prescription for lowered inhibitions and good times, right?

The more frightened, nervous or depressed the college students,
the more likely they are to drink. Alcohol offers them a cheap,
usually free, escape from the sometimes drab and frightening
reality in which they live.

A group of perfectly happy college students with a great group
of friends and everything going for them would not drink. (When I
say they “would not drink,” I’m using drink as a synonym for
getting drunk. It’s quite possible that an average person can have
a drink or two for fun and not feel the effects of alcohol at all.)
But the harsh truth is, hardly any college students are perfectly
happy.

Some college students don’t drink, that’s true, and they instead
refrain from such seemingly “standardized” forms of refuge on the
college campus.

These sober students simply find alternate–and sometimes less
convenient–ways to relax or have a good time. These students have
found that yoga or reading or just talking with friends is more
relaxing than getting hammered and having to pay the price the next
morning.

The inability to cope with stress in a non-alcoholic form is
what deteriorates a student’s morals and allows them to pick up
that “water” bottle at a dance, and forget their problems in the
temporary emptiness of drunkenness.

This battle will remain with universities for as long as there
is stress. So long as there are grades, there will be stress, and
so long as there is stress there will be students escaping through
their drug of choice: alcohol.

To be continued . . .

Andrew Emmerich is a freshman studying English.