What kind of half-wit idiot group of homo sapiens can we, as
humans, be if we can’t even say “two-thousand?” Instead, we feel
the need to be lazy and say “Y-two-K.” When did grammar class
become “learn to abbreviate every word in the English language so
you can be lazy even while talking” class? I will say this though:
If we Americans excel at anything, it’s laziness. I’m convinced
that if there were ever a class for Creative Laziness, as
Americans, we would dominate the subject and get an “A.” Examples
of our culture’s innate laziness abound.

Have you ever looked at your refrigerator and thought, “Wow, I
am so exhausted from watching movies that I don’t think I could
even open the freezer door to get ice?” If you have, you are the
reason there are automatic ice dispensers in most new freezer
doors. Manufacturers have honed in on laziness and now capitalize
wholeheartedly on devices such as the ice dispenser in freezer
doors. They also typecast Americans as lazy and pompous (we always
need the newest gadgets to brag about at the water tank).

Lazy and pompous though we may be, we demand healthy filtered
water to come out of that door because drinking filtered water will
help us live another 400 years. Who would have thought the
refrigerator industry would fuel the bottled filtered (or is it
“natural spring”) water industry? But it’s true, our laziness fuels
the economy.

Not feeling lazy yet? Try this on for size…

Valet parking. Don’t roll your eyes. This applies to more than
just the very wealthy. I understand that the well-heeled Americans
among us feel that their cars are direct gifts from the Almighty
God himself and should be treated as such, but if that’s the case,
those well-heeled drivers should park the car themselves. After
all, if you want something done right, you have got to do it
yourself. The well-heeled, however, feel that a walk through the
parking lot would lead to one of two things: a) God might strike
them down out of rage over the mismanagement of his generosity or
b) the walking might so thoroughly exhaust them that they would
collapse. I, for one, look at parking a different way. Want to lose
that stubborn last 10 pounds? Try not being so lazy: park your own
car and walk the extra 100 feet!

I am not overlooking the most best-known and discussed lazy
“man’s” tool, but I find the remote control so clich�d that
it’s really not worth a rant. If people are too lazy to get off
their couches and turn a dial–preferably to the “off” position…
but I don’t hold my breath–so be it. That blatant display of
laziness is, I’m quite positive, a sure sign of the erosion of
western civilization as we know it.

Unlike the rest of the barbaric world, I know that we Americans
are too busy for our own good, but it never hurt anyone to vacuum a
room or mow a lawn. Or did it? A casual peruser of technology
magazines would be led to think such menial tasks not worthy of
human exertion. A new generation of technology has come (or is
coming soon) to the forefront and thus, making it easier than ever
for Americans to be lazy in a variety of ways. Robots that mow your
lawn (although I hear they are much quieter…) or vacuum your
house are great time savers, but if you don’t have time to vacuum a
living room, you’re going to end up with a stress-induced ulcer by
the age of 30.

Vacuuming and mowing are not very labor-intensive activities,
especially when you have a riding or auto-push mower. In point of
fact these can be very rewarding experiences, if you take the time
to look at the good job you’ve accomplished. Why, you could have a
lawn to take pride in. The possibilities are endless.

Laziness is a luxury. But being lazy isn’t always the most
relaxing way to spend your time. The next time you realize it’s a
perfect night out for a stroll or bike ride, try actually going out
for a stroll or ride. Put down the X-BOX controller and use those
expensive sweatshop-manufactured “American” cross-trainers for some
walking or any activity! It’s a novel idea, I know, but just give
it a shot. You may find that not being lazy can be very relaxing,
and more importantly, rewarding.

Andrew Emmerich is a sophomore studying English and secondary
education.