When I was 5, I was afraid of coloring books.
I don’t have a precise explanation for why this was so, but I don’t think it was because I was emotionally abused, and it certainly doesn’t stem from being buried by mounds of crayons in a freak Crayola landslide.
My best guess is that I was terrified of making a mistake, of going outside of the lines. You see, I was a bit of a goodie two-shoes as a little tyke. In fact, I am still a bit of a goodie two-shoes. I have done everything I can to stay inside the lines for the better part of my 20 years.
The fact is-everyone makes mistakes. Despite my best efforts to be a rule-follower and teacher’s pet extraordinaire, I seem to have a special talent for following that trend. Living abroad is no exception. The only difference is that, in London, I have learned to accept-even embrace-the mistakes that I make.
In my two months here, I have made a wide variety of mistakes at a breakneck speed.
Oh, the lessons I have learned. Most are relatively innocuous, like if you forget to throw away your McDonald’s bag before you go to bed, the mouse that shares your flat might emerge to enjoy what remains of your Chicken McNuggets.
Some have been a bit more potent: don’t take an unmarked cab to the airport unless you want to pay an arm and a leg or end up dead in a ditch somewhere. Others-yes, there are even more-fall into what I call the “very special” category.
“Very special” lessons are those that are typically taught in cheesy, family-friendly sitcoms like “Boy Meets World” or “Saved by the Bell.” They usually involve “finding yourself,” through cliché topics, including the importance of believing in yourself through thick and thin, how to avoid bullies with a smile or why sidestepping the perils of substance abuse by just saying “no” is the way to go.
As much as I groan when the kids of Bayside High learn these life lessons, I have been there and done that this semester, and I feel so much more, well, special for it.
What is it about studying abroad that has brought me to the touchy-feely realization that not only is it OK to be a flawed human being, it’s necessary? I don’t know the answer to that one. I do know-from experience-that being in an unfamiliar environment like this one makes mistakes all the more prevalent.
It quickly became apparent that there is no way for me to anticipate all of the stumbling blocks that lie before me, and there will be times when I trip along the way. Being abroad has taught me to relish these mistakes rather than dread them. They need not be reminders of failure; they can be opportunities to learn more about myself and the world around me-as “special” as that might seem.
This goodie two-shoes is loosening his laces a bit and has learned to accept the occasional risk of making a mistake. That’s not to say that I have become some ungodly wild child with no limits who rails against authority by sporting various bodily piercings and hot pink hair while shooting up in some seedy alleyway.
Sometimes my risks take the shape of going to a night club I would have shunned in the past. Other times, I might risk travelling to a foreign country by myself. There are times when my risks take me too far, of course, but making those mistakes is an important part of discovering my own limits.
After 20 years of playing by the rules I thought were fencing me in, I am freely coloring outside of the lines and slowly writing my own rules. In short, I am growing up.
