I love sports. I love playing them, watching them, talking about them and writing about them. I consider myself to be a sports nut. As a kid, I was always out in the front yard, playing whatever the current sport in season happened to be. Not only can I tell you what team won the World Series from the ’83 season to the present, I can also tell you who lost. I can sit down and watch a college basketball game from start to finish, no matter what two teams are playing. If you were ever curious as to which team has the worst record in the Super Bowl, I’d be the guy to ask. And although I’m not quite as skilled in hockey knowledge, I still enjoy the game.

However, there is one sport that has never sparked my interest. One sport for me, is more frustrating than exciting to watch. Soccer. For me, the most interesting thing about soccer is how so many people can enjoy it. Watching a soccer game kind of reminds me of watching a Robert DeNiro movie. I know the talent is there, I know there are a lot of people who enjoy it, but I’d rather spend my time watching paint dry.

I played soccer as a kid, I try to watch the World Cup every four years, and I have a number of friends who really enjoy it. But no matter how many times I’ve tried to watch it-or play it for that matter-I can’t find anything appealing about it. Guy has an open breakaway. Guy gets tackled and loses the ball. A midfielder places a perfect pass to a forward streaking to the goal, but the play is called back because the forward is offsides. Someone has an open shot, but the ball sails 15 feet above the goal. Will someone please give me the remote? Maybe USA Network is showing a rerun of the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show.

When I say the sport is boring, I don’t want to take anything away from the players themselves. I have played soccer before. I know how demanding and physically exhausting the game can be. If you are a collegiate player, you’re running around as hard as you can for an hour and a half. No other sport I can think of is nearly that demanding. It requires discipline and a serious amount of stamina. Football, baseball, hockey, basketball players: they all get breaks to rest during the game, soccer players go non-stop. It’s a lot harder to play the game than it actually looks. All that fancy ball movement and those fierce shots do not just happen by accident. No matter how long I practiced or how hard I tried, I could never get passed the “toe kick” when taking a shot on goal. Like the old saying goes, “those who can, do; those who can’t, teach”…or in this case, write. Those guys you see playing soccer on television, in my mind, are some of the best athletes in the world. Its just a shame the sport they play could put a test rat on speed to sleep.

I have seen soccer on all levels, either on television or in person. I come from a high school that finished first in the nation my freshman year. I’ve seen both the men and women play here at SLU. And I’ve attended more than a few games at Arrowhead Stadium to see the Kansas City Wizards play. Let me reassure anyone who hasn’t seen it on all these levels; it doesn’t change much. The talent level increases and the game play is not as sloppy when you get to the college and professional level, but the game does not get any more exciting. Honestly, the most excited I’ve ever been when viewing a soccer game was watching my 9-year-old brother score his first goal. It was the first and only time I’ve had goosebumps when watching soccer.

What brings these feelings of boredom and apathy; could I just be too lazy to care about soccer? My attention span has been compared to a toddler who has had four cups of coffee. But then how am I able to watch an entire baseball game without losing interest once? I used to put golf on television if I wanted to go to sleep, but as I’ve gotten older, even that can be interesting to watch from time to time. Not soccer; no matter who is playing or what kind of build up there has been, I don’t think I’ve ever really been captured by the excitement of a soccer game.

I want great scoring and phenomenal saves. I want a game where offsides doesn’t exist. I want to come out of a game feeling like I put my heart out there with the guys on the field. Soccer just doesn’t give me that. Long passes and intercepts, slide tackles and free kicks-they don’t do it for me. A 0-0 tie after 90 minutes is not too much fun to watch. Sure, sometimes we get to see penalty kicks at the end, but why can’t they just do that at the beginning and save everyone the time of watching the game?

Maybe it’s just me. I suppose I could be alone in my feelings about soccer. There was a lot of talk about soccer really taking off in the United States after the World Cup a few years ago, and while the MLS is still functioning, it doesn’t get nearly as much coverage as the rest of the major sporting leagues. I don’t think soccer will ever catch on here in America like the other sports have. It’s just too boring.