Reader discretion advised: Since this is a team composed of eccentric and just plain weird personalities, I have stooped to a low literary level to disseminate these pointless facts.
They play for the love of the game. They play because we have no football team, and because they definitely aren’t good enough to make our soccer team. They play because students actually come to their games.
Win or lose, they share a common bond that holds them together like family: Meat-preferably red meat, like steaks, brats and hamburgers. They have dreams of buffets just full of meat. Late-night Maurizio’s pizza and chicken wing buffets satisfy their hungry hearts as well.
Let me introduce you to the men inside the tight shorts-the Saint Louis University men’s club rugby team.
“What other sport draws fans out of bed on a cold Saturday morning by offering free beer, excessive violence and a general good time all day long?” asked senior captain Peter Kowalski.
This is true. Rugby games start in the early afternoon, and the events afterward often linger late into the evening. And anyone is invited; this is not an elite club or an all-Greek organization. Come to a game and you’ll be entertained by hard-nosed tackling and concussion-like collisions. Even if you don’t understand the rules, the scoring system, or why the heck only a few guys are wearing padded helmets, it doesn’t matter. Everyone leaves entertained, if not intoxicated.
One of the team’s star players is senior Nick “Dancin'” Miofsky. According to some sources, Miofsky is the handsomest man on campus without a girlfriend. He is a type of Renaissance man who can drink both Schlitz beer and Andre champagne on the same night and look cool doing it. Freshman year he played quarterback at NAIA McKendree College in Illinois. He came to SLU the next year and has been wearing the tight shorts ever since.
Fellow senior Chris Thacker is a man among boys. Literally. He’s 24, which is two years older than any of his teammates. You might recognize him as the big blond bartender at such nightly hot spots as The Cheetah, Liquid, Savannah, Lucky’s and Laclede Street Bar and Grill. Amazingly, Thacker’s on pace to graduate in May with a finance degree.
Kowalski is a four-year starter and two-year captain. Yet he has never scored a try. Rumor has it he’s scared to do the zulu dance that comes after a player’s first-ever score. His little brother Charlie has invested four weeks into a mustache (peach fuzz at best) and refuses to shave as long as SLU keeps winning.
“I wouldn’t grow a mustache,” the elder Kowalski said. “But I did envy the mullet he wore in preseason.”
In fact, little Kowalski may soon have more company. “Basketball teams sometimes wear headbands as an act of unity,” said junior Nick Schaefer. “Charlie has given us a good idea, and we all might grow mustaches to strengthen our brother-like bond.”
Josh Brewster, Eric Munninghoff, Miofski and Schaefer often score. Whoever scores first, however, receives a case of Old Milwaukee from the remaining three. A freshman named Rudy has to call his parole officer when the team travels out of state. Sophomore Danny King usually throws up in the middle of games. He must have symptoms similar to the cartoon character Stan from the series South Park.
SLU’s rugby team is good too. They are 2-0 this season, with wins over Dayton and Scott Air Force Base. Dayton was ranked No. 7 in the country in Division II club rugby heading into the showdown last month in Ohio.
You probably don’t care to meet any of the guys by this point. I’m not sure I want to see them either-after writing an article like this. But they could use your support on Saturday, March 23 when they face crosstown rival Washington University at 1 p.m. at the Jewel Box in Forest Park. The winner will advance to the regional tournament (Westerns) to be played in mid April in Oklahoma.
