There are many, many dating shows now on the various cable and broadcast networks. There’s “Elimidate,” “Blind Date,” “Dismissed” and “Taildaters,” just to mention a few. One show, “Married By America,” piqued my interest. The idea is that contestants are chosen to get engaged to one another, based on a personal profile of each person. The show then follows the couples as they first get engaged–without ever meeting, mind you–and then as they all live together in a big house, taped 24 hours a day. The big question is: “Who in their right mind would want to do such a thing?”

I would, for starters. The reason these people are doing this is that they are so sick of being in the single scene that they would rather let millions of strangers pick their spouse than to stay in the dating pool. In essence, they are being arranged to be married by a live audience. I’ve been single for 20 years, give or take, and I can say without any hesitation that I hate dating with a passion that I would normally reserve for French Canadians.

Perhaps it’s the awkward formality or the underlying sexual tension, but the whole ordeal seems silly. It would be just as effective for people who are interested in each other to simply hang and shoot the breeze, but then they wouldn’t know that they are interested in each other; so they just become friends instead, and the whole idea of getting together is shot to hell. Thus, the date is necessary in order to “get the ball rolling,” no matter how much both people would rather not go on a date. In fact, I think I would be hard pressed to find someone who truly relishes the physical act of going on a date.

As I see it, dating is like going to the dentist: Nobody truly enjoys going to the dentist, but everyone does it so they can still have teeth when they get old. There is, of course, another option besides that of doing the whole dating thing: arranged marriage.

Call me Amish, but I think I could trust my family to find me a good spouse. My father will make sure she’s good looking, my brother would make sure she has a compatible personality, and my mother would make sure she can cook–she’s old fashioned like that. Besides, they have the chance to be logical and calculating when coming up with a person I could be with, rather than the blind hope and faith that dating often presents. However, I would like some minor part in the spouse editorial process. Meeting the person at the altar could be just as disastrous as meeting them at Humphrey’s, so I would hope to at least meet them a little while before we were to become man and wife–but no dates.

“But Drew,” I’d be told, “The divorce rate would be erroneously high if people were in arranged marriages because they don’t love each other to start with.”

What, is 50 percent not erroneously high? Honestly, I don’t see how it could get much worse. As much as arranged marriages sprout from the brains of others, dating more often than not sprouts from less intelligent organs that don’t really consider the long term.

(Note for the females: If, in the odd event that I do go out on a date with you, don’t take the preceding statements personally; actually you should be flattered that I’m that interested in you that I would endure such pains to get to know you. In any case, don’t feel offended or put off if I don’t look like I’m having a great time. It’s not you, it’s me, I swear.)

Drew Ewing is a sophomore studying aerospace engineering.