Doing anything at exactly 5:26 p.m. this Sunday evening?

I may just take a nap.

Excepting diehard Patriots and Carolina fans (if any of those
actually exist), I can say with some certainty I am probably not
the only one having trouble getting excited about the upcoming
Super Bowl.

After two extremely lackluster Championship games, why is there
really any reason to believe Sunday will be much different?
Highlights between the two games include a grand total of nine
interceptions, six field goals, and a measly five touchdowns. There
weren’t any Lynn Swann diving grabs or Marcus Allen-esque runs
either. Both of the victors simply ground their opponents down into
frustration with sharp defense and just enough offense to get by.
Brilliant football, by no means–but I suppose it worked.

At one point, in a moment of euphoric Carolina
celebration–after yet another interception, Fox broke to a
commercial, naturally playing the rousing tunes of James Taylor’s
In My Mind I’m Goin’ to Carolina. Joe Buck dispassionately
commented, “Noting like James Taylor to highlight hard-nosed
January football.” The broadcast team may have been as bored as the
fans at home.

Now for the contestants. In the playoffs, the Panthers handed it
to the Cowboys in the first-round, snuck past the Rams in the
second with some overtime heroics and ground it out against
perennial choke-artists, Philadelphia, in the NFC Championship.
When the season started, no one dreamed Carolina had a shot at the
Super Bowl–which is not really an uncommon occurrence in the NFL
any longer–parity reigns supreme.

Still, it remains hard to put your finger on the success of the
Panthers. They have no phenomenal offensive stars. Quarterback Jake
Delhomme is serviceable, but possesses a quarterback rating of just
over 80. Mushin Muhammad and Steve Smith are solid receivers, but
no game breakers, they–by any means. Stephen Davis is a consummate
veteran, but he doesn’t carry the offense like a Priest Holmes or
Jamal Lewis. Their defense ranks third in the NFC. But again, they
are a squad of solid contributors with no apparent standout. It
kind of makes them easy to look past.

Not that the Patriots will overlook them, not under the guidance
of Bill Belichick.

The Patriots return the Super Bowl for the second time in three
years. Their personnel remain relatively unchanged, two years
removed from the championship squad. Several defensive additions,
like veteran Rodney Harrison–who had nothing short of a phenomenal
season, only make them potentially better than when they defeated
the Rams. Their offense is unremarkable, but Tom Brady perennially
puts points on the board and spreads the ball out well. Running
backs like Antowain Smith, Kevin Faulk and Mike Cloud seem like a
laughable combination; but they’re playing in the Super Bowl, and
Marshall Faulk is not. Winning 14 games in a row makes it more
difficult to say anything bad about the favored Pats.

That being said, I still don’t think they’re going to win. They
defeated the Colts, thanks to four picks thrown by Peyton Manning.
In doing so, they only put it in the end zone once, relying on five
field goals by Adam Vinatieri. The Colts had their opportunities,
but most were squandered into the Boston snowstorm. These Panthers
can attribute all of their success to taking advantage of the
chances given to them. When the Pats give Carolina their chance,
look for them to take advantage. Still, no matter how close this
game gets, I stand by my claim that it will be a snooze job.

There must be something to look forward to. What about those
great individual feats of glory–the ones that make for a dramatic
pre-game video montage? For example, Jake Delhomme, attempted only
10 passes last season, now he’s leading a team in the Super Bowl.
Yawn! Maybe I’m missing something. Maybe, I’m just not being manly
enough–I should enjoy that rock-’em, sock-’em style hard-nose,
defensive-minded game that the NFL built itself on.

Nah, it’s the Super Bowl. I want razzle-dazzle. All of the great
Super Bowl moments came at the behest of a stunning drive or a
broken play. Good luck finding an NFL Films Super Bowl highlight
featuring Ray Lewis shedding blockers to pull down Tiki Barber for
a two-yard loss. So, in the time-honored tradition of sports
journalism here is my prediction:

Carolina 22, New England 15.

A big Carolina special teams play will put them on top early.
The Pats will have to play catch-up for most of the game and almost
succeed; but the Carolina D will stop Tom Brady just short of a
game tying drive.

At least that sounds exciting, but no, a great Super Bowl it
will not be. If you would, just rouse me from my sleep for the best
commercials.