Dear Mr. Sanders,

Deion, you’re back in football! It’s really strange to say, but
I kind of missed you. True, I never tend to have much respect for
those flashy, loudmouth players the NFL attracts, like flies; but
your return just kind of waxes nostalgic all over. Deion Sanders,
the patron saint of football show, to have you back, it’s as
if–well…

It’s as if Michael Jordan were announcing his return to double-A
baseball, as if Dennis Rodman were teaming back up with Jean-Claude
Van Damme for another movie. The truest mark of the truest
stars–they always find ways to stay in the public eye.

After you lost your job with CBS, a sudden void hit me. What
ever will I do without my weekly dose of Deion? And now what
becomes of the CBS’ Sunday morning NFL preview? You seemed to be
blossoming in your broadcast career; then they gave you the can.
How will you manage to stick it to the man for firing you? They did
pick up a new on-air loudmouth in Shannon Sharpe, but can he dance?
Does he have those gigolo-style three-piece suits you sported every
week?

Thank goodness for timely responses–“Deion Sanders returns to
play with the Baltimore Ravens.” Never have the headlines been
sweeter.

And it’s not just me; football fans were getting worried too.
See, Deion, not sure how to tell you this, but you’ve been getting
one-upped. End zone celebrations are increasingly harder to top.
Now players sign autographs, make cell-phone calls, heck they may
soon be sending e-mails from their Blackberry after scoring a
touchdown. The high-stepping into the end zone with one hand behind
your head–that was a cut above the “Icky-Shuffle”–but the end
zone dance is like computer technology… constantly improving.
There’s no stopping progress.

You were the Apple. Terrell Owens, Joe Horn, they are the iMac.
Please tell me you are prepared to bust out the new model
Deion.

Competition grows in more than the celebrations aspect of the
game. Shut-down corners are among the game’s hottest commodities,
but tolerance of coverage failure is razor thin. So your stock has
a chance to soar or come crashing to the floor.

The thing is, in case you didn’t notice, “Neon” Deion, the
Ravens have a pretty good defense. Young Chris McAlister is one of
the best coverage backs out there, and you’re currently fifth on
their depth charts. Can you still show the youth of today’s game a
move or two? Just five years ago you were the best. But things have
changed.

For one, there’s also this new rule in the NFL–no contact with
receivers for the first five yards from scrimmage. Do your
37-year-old legs still have the jets to run down Randy Moss off the
line? It’s pretty easy to shut down Moss from the studio in New
York. How easy will it be from within the red zone? You wouldn’t
want anything embarrassing to happen, now would you Deion?

What I’m really trying to say, even if you can’t keep up, is
that the NFL still needs attitude–just a little more of the
old-school kind. Your celebrations used to get me fired up–only
now do I realize how tame they were. Watching showboating from your
era is kind of like looking back on Richard Pryor after meeting
Dave Chapelle.

Regardless, you spurred the renaissance of NFL primadonna
showmen, and the way today’s game is played, that may prove to be
as important as the forward pass. Plus, you finally get an
opportunity to play the “veteran leadership” card. Believe me, your
team may need some. That running back Jamal Lewis may have a tough
time facing those cocaine charges. Please keep him focused; he’s on
my fantasy team.

And if it doesn’t work out, don’t get too down on yourself.
Perhaps your presence won’t invoke as much uncertainty for Brett
Favre as it once did–but hey, you might get to outclass
someone.

If not, there’s always baseball, right? Welcome back Deion!

Best Regards,

Bert Seefeldt