Everyone knows there are questions that can never be answered, because they stem from a fundamental difference of opinion. Take, for instance, the issue of abortion.
One can argue all day about abortion, but when you whittle the whole thing down, you realize that the foundation of both of your arguments is a fundamental difference of belief.
I have applied this vein of thought to country music, because I have been perplexed all of my life as to how someone can enjoy country music.
Can country music be whittled down to a fundamental difference of opinion like the issue of abortion can? The answer is no.
I think we can all, as intelligent college students, explicitly deduce that country music is utterly abominable-a disgrace.
First, we might want to judge the quality of music on either the instruments or the vocals. Some people put a great deal of weight into the vocals because there might be some awesome juicy life lessons to decipher.
Other people don’t give a crap about vocals; they are all about the way the instrumentation moves them.
Regardless, if we are to judge music on the basis of either vocals or instruments, then I’m sure you can guess at least one genre of music that looks extremely pathetic in this light.
I’ll give you a hint-it starts with a “c,” ends with a “y,” and rhymes with “fun tree.”
I think we can all agree without too much further explanation that country music is the devil’s gift to mankind.
I can’t respect music where the singer is required to change his voice to sound like a crooning, sensitive, beer-drinking, southern guy.
I have found that country songs follow two formats: the sad, lonesome, “I’m sorry honey” songs, and the “lets have fun and party Texas-style with pickup trucks, shotguns and cowboy hats” songs.
If you look at any respectable kind of music (remember, that automatically excludes country), the musicianship and subsequent instrumentation is truly an art form.
A good band will use the music to create an atmosphere conducive to the lyrics. When this is done correctly, you will be at peace and you will never get tired of the song.
These are the songs that you can just keep coming back to, listening to endlessly, marveling at even the subtlest nuance in the chord change or voice fluctuations. On the other end of the spectrum, of course, you have country music.
When you listen to country, it’s kind of like having a really bad migraine, then having someone spray a full can of Lysol into a football helmet that’s a few sizes too small, then having your head squeezed into that helmet, then having someone knock the helmet around with a hammer.
At least that’s how I feel when I listen to country. I would assume that it’s a normal reaction with anyone else, just like it’s normal for a person to burn their finger and say “ouch!” when they touch liquid hot magma.
Good music doesn’t really come down to a fundamental difference of opinion; it comes down to expressing genuine art.
Country music is so structured-I can say with conviction that country is not art-it is a novelty act. There is no real inspiration, and the only reason it has any popularity is because it is the most culturally intertwined genre out of them all.
A song that exudes artfulness will cross any cultural dichotomies and resonate with the whole universe-which country obviously does not do.
My point? If you are listening to country and you enjoy it, then fine, whatever, that’s cool.
Looking on the bright side, I realize that country fans have much to look forward to, as any music they listen to from here on out should strike them as beautiful, because you can only go up from country music.
It’s like eating a steak from the Gries cafeteria, compared to going to a renowned steakhouse and having a supple and luscious steak, with a side of garlic mashed potatoes, and a glass of red wine that even Paul Giamatti would advocate in his breathy nasally voice.
