Night Watch, unlike its plagiarized Rembrandt title suggests, is an overrated Russian horror film, now playing at the Tivoli Theater, that is best kept in the dark and not watched at any time of the day, or night.

Shockingly the biggest blockbuster in the history of Russian cinema, Night Watch is “the first part in an epic horror trilogy,” based on a series of novels by writer Sergei Lukyanenko. The movie, from what I could decipher from the enigmatic plot line, follows the apocalyptic struggle between two supernatural forces, not-so-originally called the Light Others and Dark Others. Since the Middle Ages, the two powers have been living under a shaky truce that has kept the swordplay to a minimum for the last few centuries.

Trouble in the truce starts brewing shortly after the collapse of the Soviet Union, when Anton (Konstantin Khabensky), in the movie’s disturbing opening flashback, solicits some sort of Dark Other witch to perform a spell on his pregnant and disloyal wife to kill her unborn child, which isn’t his.

As the creepy process progresses, Anton begins to have second thoughts about his decision. Luckily, the crazy old woman is kept from performing the spell, due to the efforts of some watchful Light Others.

Night Watch then jumps ahead 12 years to find Anton working for the Light Others by identifying and locating new supernatural members for their cause. Apparently Anton, a human, has to consume blood supplied by some dubiously friendly Dark Other vampires in order to locate an important and paranormal young boy on the Moscow subway before some evil vampires sink their teeth into him.

Yeah, this bizarre plot line drags on for nearly two hours, and, about halfway through, I got a bit lost among the various vampires, shape-shifters, cursed vortexes and the mysterious 12-year old boy who, not so mysteriously, has an important connection to Anton.

I’m usually an appreciative fan of foreign films, and I certainly don’t mind reflecting on an intelligently complicated movie, but Night Watch, when it comes down to it, was just a loud, brash mess. If I understood Russian and had read the Night Watch books, the movie might have made more sense because, despite the unique aesthetic appeal of the interactive subtitles, even the script was poorly translated.

The special effects, another touted attribute of the film, came off disappointedly and equally unpolished. Director Timur Bekmambetov, aiming for a unique approach, merely ended up relying on hyperactive camera angles and unnecessarily over-the-top visual devices. The one truly inventive and well-executed effect was the image of the vampires’ victims as a 3-D mass of blood vessels.

The music in Night Watch, like the plot, acting and directing, didn’t make much sense either. The obnoxious heavy metal accompanying action scenes failed to get my blood flowing, and The Bravery song “Fearless” playing during the closing credits left me wondering “What the .?”

Apparently, Night Watch’s combination of poor cinematic qualities seems to have captivated Russian film aficionados so much that it was their country’s submission for the Best Foreign Picture Oscar. Go figure.-

In reality, Night Watch is just a muddled mess of lost potential- the neo-gothic landscape of modern Moscow could have been a perfectly eerie horror movie locale, but the film gets torn apart by too many ideas being pulled in too many directions.

I’m not sure whether Night Watch is just a bad film or a poorly imported Russian movie and unfortunately, like some of its country’s cheaper beverage exports, it tastes just as rough no matter what you chase it with.