Oh for pity’s sake, just go meet someone! How hard could it possibly be? You’re single, you’re in college and you have average looks–surely you can find someone.
It sounds so easy, doesn’t it? It’s such a perfectly simplistic idea. Finding someone to date is not, unfortunately, the simplest task at the university level. There are factors that cloud every person’s judgment, not the least of which is alcohol-you made out with whom?-and in the end it is up to us as individuals to decide what will make us the happiest.
I struggle to understand what true happiness is in relationships. I’m single right now-I’m in a deep relationship with myself, and if you can tolerate that, you’re more than welcome to be a third party-and I seem to be rather happy and enjoying myself, as far as self-evaluation goes. However, even in my happiness, I can’t help but think that I’m missing out on something slightly more . exciting.
A relationship is something that adds a bit of spunk, spontaneity and excitement to an otherwise dull life. But seriously, is it worth it? For all of the excitement and spontaneity they offer, there is a flip side that counters with an insane amount of trouble.
Entering into a relationship is like entering a particularly weak contract-any logical attorney would advise you not to enter into such a weak contract that is sure to cause limitless headaches and pain. Unless it’s a marriage proposal, the relationship is not for the long term, and so what exactly is to be the desired outcome? Happiness? For how long do you wish to be happy? One year is a long time to be happy, and two is getting pretty serious, but what if it ends there? The heartache will come, and for each person, there is a personal weighing of the year of relationship happiness with the period of time that will come of unadulterated despair. How the weight falls is different for every individual.
Having many failed relationships can slowly erode your belief that relationships can actually work out for the best. With each failed relationship comes the standard emotions, including anger and sadness, but deep within there is a paradigm shift that says quietly to your subconscious, This is how all relationships are: finite, ending in pain and heartache. I urge you to not listen to that voice; it’s just bitter.
I have avoided, systematically and purposefully, the use of the highly debated “L” word. That delightfully despicable feeling of being in love. Every person desires to have that feeling, that horrible pulling in the stomach area, the nausea and the trouble breathing. It is in our human nature to want this sort of feeling, and for the life of me I cannot figure out why. Love is a cruel and bitter way of paying us back for all the faith we ever had in our brain. It is true, and Sting may be wiser than I would like to admit.
Love complicates our lives and our feelings for other people. It clouds our judgment and affects our decisions in all aspects of our lives, and once we are in love, nothing will ever be the same. It is like a trance, a horrible sickening trance-night-of-the-living-dead, zombie-walk trance-that you can’t see you want out of. Once in this trance, you become trapped, and love has you in its grip.
I would not wish love upon anyone. Not true love, anyhow. A relationship with love is one of the most terrifying things a person can ever encounter in this world, for it is perhaps the most unpredictable feeling or emotion or chemical firing of the brain that can be experienced. To have such intense feelings for a person is frightening for any of the many emotions that exist, but certainly the most frightening is love. Love is intense, in any dose.
Love is an experience. It is something of a Disney ride, without the “you must be this tall” signs. Love does not discriminate against height, age, weight, hair color, social background, GPA, intellectual abilities or attitudes. If it is meant to be, by God and the alignment of the stars in heaven, it will be.
As masochistic as it may sound, I, like many people, want to be in love. I do. I want to be absolutely miserable over someone. To be so in love that it hurts is a blessing in disguise. Because, no matter how much pain, sorrow, heartache and pity being in love may produce, I know that to not be in love is like not breathing the air. We can’t live without breathing, and we can’t have a successful life on this Earth without having a life with love.
I’m not looking for love; I’m not on the path for love. I am on the path of life. I know not what is in store for me upon this path. I hope it involves dates. What else is a single guy in college supposed to spend his money on? As so often happens in life, I am simply looking to share experiences. As college students, it is actually not easy finding that person, that perfect date, that wonderful friend, regardless of how easy your parents or friends say it should be to find that special someone.
Do what makes you happy in life. Do what makes you happy in a relationship. If you give in to the other person in a relationship, are you happy? There is no reason to be with a person if you are not doing what makes you truly happy. It can be difficult to figure out exactly what it is that makes you happy, and the ideas and ideals that do make you happy may, and often do, change as the relationship progresses, and also as you progress through your life. .
Not everyone wants to date, but then, not everyone wants to be single. Some people want to be casual, some want to be serious. Others want a friend they can share everything with, a date they can share a late-night rendezvous with. Relationships are complicated. Love is confusing. Life is that undeniable path that we all walk, with our heads held high-high up in the clouds of obliviousness-and our hearts buried deep, and our words stuck in our throats. There is no escape; so, whether you’re single, taken or still looking for that someone, simply enjoy the sunshine daydreams of life.
As spring approaches, the flowers blooming spectacularly and the birds singing cheerfully, it is only natural to see more student couples walking campus, holding hands, smiling and laughing with one another, side by side, and the sight is truly wonderful to behold. I am not exempt from the joy and splendor of blossoming springtime. You’ll be able to spot me, because I’ll be the one walking campus, hands in my pockets, smiling and laughing . at myself.
Andrew C. Emmerich is a junior studying English and secondary education
