When I woke up this morning, I felt the same as I have felt for the past month: tired. There is a trend to my mornings, and it is that I wake up, and merely want to go back to bed. I am beyond burnt out, I am now on auto-pilot, and I’m fairly confident that my plane is heading for a mountainside. I hope someone finds the black box.

The typical college student is a nocturnal creature that does not need sunlight, nor sleep to function. All the typical college student needs to function on a semi-coherent level, is caffeine, candy and the occasional alcoholic beverage. This is what the college student auto-pilot flies on, this is the college student jet-fuel. College students defy the laws of nature – or at least the laws of proper health.

And speaking of health, how about that “recreation center”? Personally, my idea of recreation does not involve free-weights, a track, treadmill or rowing machines. My idea of recreation does involve books, movies, wine, friends, music and not being within a mile of a college campus. One day, perhaps soon but maybe not, I’ll go in for a general physical. I’m assuming I am healthy. Let’s hope not all assumptions are deadly.

Why are college students such sleep deprived, caffeine addicted, binge drinkers? Because it is expected of us. We college students are living up to a long list of expectations and traditions that traces back to our parents’ wild and crazy days at university, and I can only hope that we are living it up in style. I certainly know I am.

Final projects are coming due, and it is fairly evident. Looking into the eyes of a university student when they have a ten page paper due every single day the following week is like looking into two lifeless black holes. The dark circles under their eyes are not the newest trend in makeup, they are evidence of sleep deprivation and an impending neurotic break. I don’t mean a neurotic break like a fun vacation to the Cayman’s, I mean the type that ends in outright begging professors to end the torture and just kill us already. College students are the incarnation of wit’s end.

Perhaps college students could save themselves some trouble if they would simply write their papers, and finish their projects in advance – more than six hours in advance. I admit, the idea has merit. Sadly, no college student understands the concept of finishing assignments well in advance. I personally find it to be a silly notion. My best writing tends to come after the six hour mark passes. When I discover that I only have six hours to write a fifteen page paper, I suddenly have the ability to write the entire paper, with few errors, and justified margins, in less than two hours. Go me! I know I am not alone in that ability; many college students are capable of such seemingly super-human feats. Go us!

One of the only things that seems to get college students through finals fever is the promise of a long, much deserved – and need – vacation after their completion. It can be difficult for college students to look forward to Christmas and the holidays with projects and final grades on their mind, but once suicide (finals) week is over and done, Christmas spirit oozes from their pores. The veritable high that students get from the end of finals is unrivaled by any drug available.

Despite the fact that I don’t have any final exams, per se, I do have a seemingly endless amount of work to do. There are papers that need to be written, projects that need to be finished–of course, first they need to be started-and at some point I have to find time to have a life. It seems like a tall order; having time for a life while still completing all of my assignments, but the hope of I have for enjoying the holiday season after everything is turned in is what will tide me over. I may be over stressed, sleep deprived, and completely neurotic, but I still have hope.

Andrew C. Emmerich is a senior in the
College of Public Service studying English and secondary education.