Ladies and gentlemen, you are about to indulged in one of the greatest mysteries of sports: I’m going to give you not one, but five reasons why in the heck anyone would be a Chicago Cubs baseball fan. It doesn’t matter that we are often ridiculed for our decades (and for almost a full century, I know) of lackluster, even pathetic seasons. Cubs fans wouldn’t trade our boys for any other team in baseball, and here’s why:

5. The Friendly Confines. Nothing beats the atmosphere of Wrigley Field, especially in the bleachers on a hot summer day. Yelling at fans sitting in the opposite section of the bleachers, heckling outfielders and getting your “Shut up and drink your beer” shirt are all part and parcel of the Wrigley experience. Another reason I love Wrigley is very simple: it’s a beautiful ballpark. The familiar sights of the ivy, the Torco sign on a rooftop across the street, and the big red sign in front, all make 1060 West Addison the best place to see a ball game. It’s also the place where memories were made for thousands of Chicagoans.

4. Loyal fans. News flash, Cardinals fans: we don’t care that the last time the Cubbies won the pennant was 1908! Cubs fans don’t know the meaning of the words “fair weather,” and we begin every season with optimism … this is our year! And have you ever noticed how many senior citizens sit faithfully at Wrigley decked out in Cub blue? We’re lifelong fans, through thick and thin.

3. History. There’s an interesting element to Cubs fans: we were born and raised Cubs fans; it’s in our blood. We are the children of Cubs fans, and our children will grow up to be Cubs fans. We’d never dream of jumping ship and rooting for the White Sox, or heaven forbid, the Cardinals.

2. We have a chance … no, really! The Cubs have a great roster this year, and I’m confident in Dusty Baker. The pitching staff is solid, with young hurlers like Kerry Wood, Mark Prior and Matt Clement. And don’t tell me there is no such thing as chemistry in professional sports anymore, because this team has it. The players all fit each other and complement each other beautifully.

1. Guest conductors for “Take Me Out to the Ballgame.”