The Atlantic 10 Conference has 14 schools. Mind blowing, I know.
It’s one thing for the Big 10 to have 11 teams but work an “11” into their logo, which of course now is their former logo because the Big 10 has 12 teams and a logo from 20 years ago, while the Big 12 has been around for 15 years and has 10 teams–eight of which came from the Big 8–because two of them left for the Big 10 which now has 12 teams and the former Pac-10 that’s now the Pac-12 because they now have 12 teams, respectively, But it’s a whole other thing when a conference calling themselves the Atlantic 10 has 14 teams or 16 teams depending on which sport you count because another conference of 16 teams has 14 who don’t play women’s field hockey.
Read that. Slowly. It makes sense.
But if you think our conference’s name is confusing—or just stupid—it’s pure genius compared to the mascots in said conference. I mean, yeah, the Billiken is weird. But some of these names are just plain irrational. We’ve got states celebrating the wrong things, two teams sharing the same mascot, and words that are straight up not real words. Our conference has got to take the cake as having the most confusing mascots in the NCAA.
Let’s take a look at the 13 other mascots, in no particular order other than how mad they make me:
Charlotte 49ers – When I hear “49ers,” I, like most sports fans, think of the San Francisco football team. That team is named in recognition of “the gold prospectors who arrived in Northern California around 1849.” So, thousands of people came to that area in a move that quite literally put the state on the world map. Understandable. Charlotte’s mascot apparently, then, is named in recognition of the thousands of people who left that state in 1849. Those cowards.
Duquesne Dukes – Besides the fact that it’s a complete cop-out to just pick the shortened version of your school name, there’s already a college named Duke! This is a poorly thought out mascot for multiple reasons. What if we had had the Missouri Harvards? Or the Saint Louis Stanfords? (Actually, Stanford can’t complain about bad mascot names).
Fordham Rams and Rhode Island Rams – Two teams, same conference, same mascot…not okay.
UMass Minutemen – I originally liked this mascot. In fact, I considered it maybe the only cool mascot in the entire conference. Until I had to write a story about their women’s soccer team. What exactly do we call the female athletes at the University of Massachussetts? The Minutewomen? Also, please refrain from cracking any high schoolish sexual potency jokes about them.
La Salle Explorers – There is literally nothing original about La Salle University. They can’t even find their own city to be in (Philadelphia is a little crowded with A-10 schools). Oh, and the issue I have with this mascot is not the name, but the actual mascot itself. Go to Google and image search “La Salle Explorers mascot.” You know what comes up? The Xavier Musketeer. It’s the same dude. I feel like they just took the old costume from Xavier and used it. Seriously, search “Xavier Musketeers mascot.” No difference at all.
St. Joseph’s Hawks – That idiot won’t stop flapping its wings. I mean, it’s cool to have perseverance and school spirit and all, but when you’re down 46 points to a team that barely made the NIT, go home.
Temple Owls – Real intimidating. Wait, hold on. I meant that sarcastically, but now that I look at the other names on this list, the owl might legitimately be the most intimidating mascot in our conference.
Dayton Flyers – No. Absolutely not, Dayton. Let me ask you this, world: When you think “first airplane flight,” what state do you think of? What state’s motto is “First in Flight”? In fact, when you think of the Wright brothers, if it doesn’t just scream Carolina louder than an Eric Church album, then you haven’t paid attention in history class. All in favor of a motion to swap the mascot to Charlotte for cash considerations and a player to be named at a later date, say “I.” The city of Dayton can’t claim the Wright brothers any more than the state of Connecticut can claim George W. Bush. Not that they’d want to.
St. Bonaventure Bonnies – No comment.
Xavier Musketeers – I’m not okay with this. You make the NCAA Tournament every year and you’ve got a good athletic program, so you have no excuse to go around naming your teams after a candy bar. And is anyone else disturbed by the fact that the mascot contains the word “musket” in it, yet insists on holding a sword?
Richmond Spiders – I love it when announcers do the whole actual mascot matchup thing. Like, “What would happen if a Lion faced a Bear!?” Which is why I hate this mascot. Because as awful as they are, literally any mascot in the league would murder a spider. An Owl would kill a Spider. A Minuteman would kill a Spider. A Bonnie, whatever the hell that is, would probably annihilate a Spider in less than half a second. Oh, and spiders are creepy.
George Washington Colonials – For the longest time, I thought they were the Colonels. But they’re not. They’re the Colonials, which is an adjective.
