When I opened Instagram on the afternoon of Aug. 26, my feed exploded with the news of pop icon Taylor Swift’s engagement to football player Travis Kelce. It seemed I could not escape well-wishes from friends, influencers and excited fans already speculating about the wedding, with Swift’s 2008 hit “Love Story” playing on loop. 

As I scrolled through Instagram reels and the often jarring comments, it became clear to me that for some, Swift’s engagement was more than just a love story — it was an opportunity to influence young Americans to return to “conservative family values.”

In a YouTube video titled “Taylor Swift is Engaged, I Have a Lot to Say,” the late political commentator and founder of Turning Point USA, Charlie Kirk, stated that “maybe one of the reasons why Taylor Swift has been so annoyingly liberal over the last couple of years is because she’s not married and doesn’t have children.” 

Kirk went on to state that Swift “should have more children than she has houses”  and “submit”  to her husband because she is “not in charge.”  The hope seems to be that marriage and children will turn Swift and, by proxy, her fans, into conservatives. 

Kirk’s comments echo the sentiments of a recent push in American politics to bring women back into the home, revive the baby boom and return to the traditional nuclear family. This lifestyle finds its most influential footing in the “tradwife” movement on social media, which encourages young women to stay at home, have children, serve their families and rely on their husbands to provide for their needs. 

The imagery of these “tradwife” videos is typically the same — white women in prairie-style dresses baking bread and caring for babies against the backdrop of a vintage Americana aesthetic. 

In the aforementioned video, Kirk himself stated that he “wants Taylor Swift on Team America,” and argued Swift’s marriage would bring her there. The implication becomes clear: not only is being married, having children and submitting to your husband what makes a good woman, it is what makes a good American.

But the truth is, behind the wholesome and comfortable illusion is the loss of what makes American culture special. 

Our culture has never found its strength in the one-size-fits-all narrative that conservative commentators and influencers increasingly push. The conservative ideal of the nuclear family — a husband, wife and 2.5 children — has become increasingly problematic in the sense that it separates women from their extended family and wider community. 

This ideal encourages women to cast off their unique identities and submit to a dominant male, while simultaneously encouraging men to repress emotional vulnerability for the sake of being “strong leaders.” Children become the byproduct of these unstable marriages, as parents try to assimilate into unnatural roles without outside support. 

This definition of family breeds exclusivity. It punishes both women and men for not conforming to traditional gender roles, and bars those who do not fit the traditional picture of an American family from finding any sense of community. In this sense, the traditional family becomes a breeding ground for the discrimination and hate speech we see on public platforms today, which serves to divide us more than promote the peace and love it claims to give. 

I am not advocating for the end of marriage nor am I advocating for the abolition of the traditional family. What I am arguing is that, when we exclude others from our individual definition of family, we lose our empathy, we lose diversity and we lose what makes American culture special. The definition of patriotism does not lie in the nuclear family; it lies in celebrating diversity and making the definition of “American” accessible to all. 

At a time of political divisiveness, it is clear that we must expand our definition of family beyond the nuclear framework. It is time to include our close friends, extended families and communities in our definition of family. It is time that we learn to extend familial love and devotion to all. What makes a good person, and a good American, is the ability to see others as our family.